two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
