The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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