She's like a pop up book from hell.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
