I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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