you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
