Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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