just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
