I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
