do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize