I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
