Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
