i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
