The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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