WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize