i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
