I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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