I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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