She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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