You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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