i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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