i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
