Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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