Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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