Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
