Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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