hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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