He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
