There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
