honey bunches of taint.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
