My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
