fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
