if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
