We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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