he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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