I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
