Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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