and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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