I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
