I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
