so explain again why im purple
no
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
