so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
