hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
