dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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