It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
