i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
it glows. i had to have it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
