Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize