I looked at my own cervix.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
