ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
