I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
