I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I have tasted many bathrooms
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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