I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
