Whod you bang
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
