I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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