Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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