I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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