tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
