I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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