O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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