There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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