just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
