ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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