I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
