It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
