She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
