So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize