You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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