I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
