Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
