Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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