The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
