Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize