My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
