She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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