The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
