I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize