Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
