Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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