I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
