Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize