I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
