Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
