the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize