This is not my ceiling
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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