She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I accidentally had phone sex last night
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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