3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
