My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
