He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
