Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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