Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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