Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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