we're chasing vodka with high fives
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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