im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
