it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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