I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
