Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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