Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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