so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i wish my penis had a tongue
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
