I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
