At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize