She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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