u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
