My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
