He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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