what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
