I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he shaved USA in his pubs
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
