remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
